Duke Nukem Forever released 5 years prior
Posted by Andrew Farinella on March 31, 2008Wait, what?
GARLAND – According to inside sources at 3D Realms, their long-anticipated FPS title Duke Nukem Forever has been released. However, the release date given by 3D Realms was 5 years ago.
“Yeah, it’s been out,” says Rich Wilcox, one of the head developers of the game. “I never understood why everyone kept complaining about it being delayed. Seems that no one really pays attention.”
Duke Nukem Forever, the fourth title in the series, made news as delay after delay plagued the release of the game. Originally going into development in 1997, it underwent multiple engine transitions before its apparent release in 2003. Unfortunately, due to its lackluster release, though, (presumably from the consensus by gamers that the game wasn’t out yet), it quickly left the market with a remarkable zero units sold. Never before has a big-budget, highly-anticipated title ever managed such a poor showing in the retail market. Simon M., a poorly-paid salesmen for one of the major chain gaming stores had this to say.
“Yeah, I don’t even remember getting a copy in. Our records show we got in 10, but I just don’t remember it. It’s the weirdest thing.” This absentmindedness is not secluded to the wage-slaves of retail, though. Every person questioned about the release has no recollection Duke Nukem Forever ever being available. There are those who feel that the release is a conspiracy fabricated by 3D Realms to get out of continuing development on the game.
“It’s totally a conspiracy,” mutters the head of the largest anti-3D Realms group online, We Hate 3D Realms. “They fabricated it to get out of making the game. Just look at it.”
When confronted with this theory, Wilcox laughed and pulled out a box with the words “Duke Nukem Forever” written on it in crayon.
“See, here’s the game, Just like I told you.” When asked to produce the disk or if Altrego might have a chance to play the now rare title, Wilcox’s eyes shifted back and forth and an obvious flop-sweat appeared on his forehead. “No, I can’t let you play it or show you the disk. It’s very sensitive to light.”
There is currently an investigation being conducted by We Hate 3D Realms in conjunction with a number of the retailers to get to the bottom of the alleged scandal.
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